Here in the UK it is gone three in the morning; I have totally screwed up my sleeping pattern somehow - probably something to do with allowing myself to sleep through a whole day the other day which I HATE doing, but I literally could not seem to help it. It's a really bad symptom of my depression that I oversleep and always feel tired and without energy. It sucks majorly because it just puts you in an awful downward spiral of feeling guilty about feeling or seeming 'lazy' or 'wasting days away', but I am stuck between these feelings and thinking patterns; well if my body needs to sleep then I have to sleep? But I know there's a bit more to it than that.
It is something I really want to begin to tackle because I know that in order to recover from depression and all my mental disorders that I have to be more positive and do more positive things, and for me I know that productivity makes me feel better. Therefore, I need to work on my physical health so that I am physically able to make my days more productive and fulfilling which should of course have a beneficial knock on effect towards my mental wellbeing.
Anyhoo, today's post is about my making the decision to finally bite the bullet, say screw you to my anxiety and start a Youtube channel about recovery, veganism, life, animals and all sorts of things. I have literally put this off for so so sosososososo long, simply because of fear, and I got sick of that and decided to just go for it. I feel sick in my stomach about it even though I doubt many people will really see it and I know the world isn't going to end because of it, but there we have the irrationality of anxiety.
I hope that I feel confident enough to really take off with it and just do what I wanna do with it. Ultimately, whatever people might do or say about it (which is just a fear and theory right now anyway), they can't stop me from doing it… it's only me that can do that. And why should I?
Here's to being brave *raises glass*!
Here is the link… please do check it out and if you feel so inclined, then do subscribe :)
P.S Stayed up till 5 waiting for the video to upload (WHY) and it took something like 200+ minutes… is that normal? Cos that ain't cool, man?!
So I ended up uploading today instead but you get the gist, right?
I hope so
Peace out,
Emily xxxx
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